Last night Jay and I decided it was time to wean Owain. This is a surprisingly complex issue, as a certain part of me has wanted to be free of nursing for a while but another, more complicated part struggles with letting that element of our relationship go. I've been pretty transparent about my insecurities as a parent, and nothing has highlighted those insecurities like the sleep issues we've experienced with Owain. At times Jay and I have felt exhausted, guilty, inept, embarrassed, lost, hopeless, disconnected, depressed, foggy, worried. We cringe every time Owain wakes the rest of the household in the wee hours, and understand the toll it takes, individually and collectively, on the community here. We are frustrated with our inconsistency. And this morning as I rocked my little insomniac back to sleep without nursing him, my body released the milk of its own accord, wanting, wanting to feed him. And this seemed like the perfect symbol of the inevitable back and forth that goes along with motherhood - the simultaneous need to release and to nurture. I can't imagine that will ever change, and I want to honor and embrace that paradox.
Saturday, April 05, 2008
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2 comments:
C-
I am totally with you on the simplicity of weaning becoming so complex for both mother and child.
I stand on the cusp of weaning Sanne and trying to feel through and sort through our relationship when it comes to her breastfeeding.
Dr. Sears is always our first "go to" when we are looking for some clarity on different issues or suggestions on parenting. One of my favorite things that Dr. Sears shares is on the topic of weaning. He says that in the ancient writings the word "wean" meant to ripen.
To me, reading this simple statement has given me the confidence to know that when Sanne and I are both ready, the weaning process will be as equally beautiful a bond because as a parent, I will be watching Sanne ripen into something/someone new and allowing her to do so.
I hope that your time of weaning is successful and uplifting for your little family!
I love what Sanne's mama wrote -- it's so true. You lose yourself in mamahood sometimes, and weaning helps you to regain some of what's been lost while losing something else entirely. If I make sense.
You're a good woman to take it so seriously -- I hope it's been going smoothly ;-)
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