Expectations and Change

Four years ago the big band I play in asked via email if we should cancel our Wednesday night rehearsal because so many people would be gone hunting. I replied back, "the only weapon I have is my Mark VI alto." Rehearsal was canceled anyways, and now I am in possession of two guns from by great-grandfather on my mom's side: a shotgun and a Winchester 30-06 (pronounced 30 ought 6).

I seem to always be dealing with a little bit of sadness in depression. A majority of it comes down to my unrealistic expectations. Moving across the country to rural Wisconsin, I had many large expectations set up in my head about what it meant to live rural, in community, teach, play saxophone and be a father. Five years later those assumptions seem absurd, and I am not one who is good at change. I thought I would be living a simpler life than I am, driving less, working off the land more, visiting Minneapolis to experience art and culture more, working together with others more.

I am trying to see what the reality is and accept it for the good that it is, because there are a tremendous amount of positives in my life:
- Owain
- learning to become a better husband who communicates emotion
- saxophone playing: sextet, big band, quartet, writing
- teaching: enjoying eighth grade and realizing I am at my core a teacher
- making friends in Eau Claire and Menomonie
- experiencing great fine art in Eau Claire

The one mainstay, and I believe the main reason I moved out here, is the regular presence of family. To hop in and see Ted and Jeannine is priceless: plus all the cousins, Uncles and Aunts and Carolyn. Madison is close by and my parents come up regularly. Owain loves Hope and Ellie and Greg is coming up to go deer hunting in December - something I would have never imagined, but hey, I am starting to change.

Great-Grandpa's 30-06 and my deer hunting license for November and December 2009.