Tiny fingers, chubby toes, dimpled elbows, sweet cheeks...where has my baby Ellis gone? I've been reflecting on motherhood a lot lately, with memories of his infancy coming into clearer focus. Given my usual inability to remember details all that well, I'm prone to think that my mama hormones are resurfacing those cherished images, moments and experiences. I'm nearly 22 weeks pregnant -- and while mid-June seems eons away (the impossibly green landscape, long days, warm breezes), it also seems closer than ever as we prepare to welcome another child to the fold. Another person, personality, voice, spirit, opinion, life.
Thinking of going about our farm-life with a wee baby slung to my chest as soon as this summer is exhilarating and daunting. While I have the experience of being a mama under my belt, I don't know what it is to have two babes, which brings the same excited nervousness as I experienced the first time around. For me, what I don't know keeps me sane - I'd much rather react to a surprise than worry in anticipation. I mean, for goodness sakes, when I was 8 months pregnant with Ellis we PLANNED the move from our house to the farm a mere 10 days after he was born! (Special thanks to Dan and Robin and many other angels who actually did the moving part of the move.) If I knew then what I know now, my life would be dreadfully dull. I'm not a risk-taker by choice, but throw me to the wolves and darn it if I can't try to scramble my way back out. I think this is why parenthood is so rewarding - we are given 9 months to plan and prepare but there really is nothing that can prepare you for the euphoric joy and surprise of daily life with a child, the survival-like mode of motherhood is a deep blessing, pulling me from the depths of exhaustion and self-doubt with one "I love you, mama."
Now, I am looking at Ellis and Owain through the lens of newborn world, and these boys suddenly look so grown up. Ellis's very thoughtful and creative observations ("what happens when a tow truck gets stuck in the snow on a hill, mama?...pause, pause, pause...maybe a snowplow could push it up the hill!") and Owain's sweet social butterfly demeanor (complete with forgivably inappropriate and random comments) -- our babies are now boys. And they will be amazing, creative, and mischevious, if not trying, big brothers. (Has anyone else read "Harris and Me" by Gary Paulsen? Read it and you will understand where my greatest joys meet my greatest fears as these two boys grow up together on our farm. Also read it because it is simply a wonderful story that ought to be added to everyone's library.)
So I proceed to fill up my summer months with goals, plans & commitments, right alongside our parallel plans of becoming parents once again. Life will not slow down for this family community of ours. So, welcome opportunity, welcome growth, welcome new life.
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
"My peace is worth a thousand times more than anything I own"
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6 comments:
Three things:
1. Two was hard for, like, a week. I don't know what I was worried about, really. Amelia "belonged" to Jackson too and he adapted just like we did. How awesome that you have that large family of yours to help with the changes.
2. Jackson was instantly a GIANT to me as soon as his sister was born.
3. I just cleaned up baby spit-up. Again.
Welcome back, Momma-Oh!-Momma!
Uhm, I think my estrogen level went up reading that.
steve and i were just laughing that his comment could perhaps be misconstrued. what he was trying to convey was that he was really touched by the post, which is odd because he is a guy and also a guy without kids.
Oh, Steve, I'm so touched that my post invoked your maternal instincts!
And Catherine, you are my inspiration when it comes to optimism in child rearing - I'll be asking you for advice to be sure!
Congratulations, Becca! It's been a while since I stopped in here, and I had no idea you and Chris were expecting again.
Congratulations on your pregnancy! Children certainly bring so much joy. They grow up so quickly, don't they. Jenny (Robinett) Hokanson just told me a good quote, "The days are long, but the years are short." I've been thinking about that a lot when it has been a difficult day. Take care!
Ps. If you don't own an Ergo Baby Carrier, I highly recommend it. Great front, back and side pack. Great for taking baby everywhere when big brother is running! :) And, it is incredibly comfortable.
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