Anti-enablement

A few days back, I took Owain on some errands during our Tuesday date. We passed those caramel eggs and in the accented cadence of his he declared, "I want this." I had him put it back. I would never get one for myself. I do not know why. Is it guilt for spending money? Was I raised right to not indulge? Is it my meager attempt to live simply?

On the way out the store, I threw it all out the window and splurged. I bought a 50 cent chocolate egg. We loved it. Owain's chin was covered in caramel and fingers were all sticky and gooey.

Later I questioned it all. Am I spoiling and enabling Owain? He gets whatever he wants, when he wants it. So do I. When I am hungry, I eat; thirsty, I drink; cold, I put on more clothes. I am privileged. What is my responsibility as a privileged person?

Yet we all have trauma. To quote Dan Plies, "we all live in different wings of the psyche ward." Dusty, a Swedish family member to Charis who has traveled all over the world, said all people have suffering - some from poverty, in the U.S.A. from consumerism.

I feel overwhelmed and mute to describe the suffering I saw and heard visiting El Salvador (spring break to rattle myself and be with Dan Plies). But this is where it is leaving me. Perhaps the person next to me in the grocery store is suffering and feels mute too? Perhaps the student taking the grammar test in class is suffering and feels mute too?

I see new purpose to my job as a teacher. Writing is a skill and a tool to give voice to trauma and release trauma. How do I do this when these kids are traumatized by privilege and enablement? How does a teacher open their eyes and pencils?

Most importantly, how do I keep my eyes, heart and voice open? How do I keep Owain's open and not raise him to suffer from privilege and enablement?