Three months ago, Charis was nervous that I would not leave Portland once we went out to visit in December. She was fair and honest, as she always is, in her fear.
Thankfully, with Charis' help, I am less depressed and able to be healthier in my frustrations and anger at society. I am learning to live in the juxtaposition of life. I was and am scared of losing my edge, my idealism, my goals for the best life I can live. Fear of being complacent. I am coming to the understanding that one foot in anger at civilization, destruction of our environment, treating creative middle schoolers like factory workers, the loss of imagination, and the other foot in complete love for my wife, joy from living with Chris, Becca and Ellis, jolt of jazz, wonder at the beauty on the farm and the charge from teaching, can work together. Better yet, one foot in each creates the tension, edge I do not want to lose. A perfect balance of these equals a tri-tone, a flated 5th - think Coltrane's tension and passion in his music. I do not have to focus on keeping the edge. Rather, I live equally with one foot in each and the tension emerges.
Trying to live the life of a tri-tone makes life full, fun and healthy and right for me to come home after being in Portland.
Visiting the wonderful and loved friends of Portland reminded my I am who I am today because of those people. My vision and hope for the radical life I want to live comes from my years in Portland. If I would have moved straight to the farm after Seattle, I would have failed the complete and true life I am attempting. My focus, drive, dreams, vision come from experiences in Portland. It is ironic that my education and care from the people of Portland sent me away to Wisconsin. Joyfully, the friends of Portland remain close and a constant influence upon who I am, thrive to be and will become.
Becca asked me my highlight of the trip to Portland. Impossible to answer; every part, every moment with every person was awesome. My regret is not being able to spent more time with each person. I would love to drink more beer or coffee with every person there. I would love to go out for coffee or tea with each of the students I saw from Cedar Lodge. What a complete joy and gift to see these beautiful and intelligent people who shared room 205 with me.
Back at the farm: joyful, proud, full of life, full of struggles, dreams and desires. One foot in Wisconsin; one foot in Portland. Tri-tones are one of my favorite intervals. I do not want to resolve it, but live in the edge - live complete.
Friday, January 06, 2006
Tri-Tones
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Hi Jay! Greeting to all and the best wishes for the New Year. I am sorry I wasn't able to see you during you last visit to Portland. I was looking forward to some Jazz at the O'Connors but I couldn't make it! Maybe next time? Life is beautiful! Tri-tones and all, as we can say a "delightful paradox". Never lose your gumption, never lose your hope. If there is hope there is life. We have been so blessed by The Lord so much that some times we take things for granted. I think you are doing a great job with your students, as they can see your struggle and your vision of the future. You don't have to say a thing, your example is enough! Take care.
Post a Comment