The Beauty of community and a new life.

Charlie Parker went to record an album with strings. He arrived at the hall and the orchestra was already rehearsing. He heard them and left. No recording. A couple of days later the producer saw Bird on the street and Bird answered, "It was too beautiful."

Seeing and holding Ellis was majical, powerful, joyful and beautiful. As soon I held him in my arms, saw his eyes, felt his skin and heard his cry, I felt I needed to leave, get out of the way and not bother Chris and Becca anymore.
Over dinner later that night, Charis asked me why I acted that way in the delivery room. Perhaps I am learning, perhaps sleep deprivation, or perhaps both, I babbled on for an hour. I did not value or trust my importance or need at that time. After all, it is not my baby. I know that, and I am not immediate family.
Then the depth of this community venture with Charis, Chris and Becca slammed into me. We chose and choose to be in relationship and community with each other. I live in complete amazement that Charis made that commitment to me. Who am I to deserve such an awesome person in my life? Truly! Now I have two other people who have made that commitment to me - to live with me, support me and love me. Becca and Chris did not say if you get depressed we are leaving, if you act like an idiot we are leaving you. That is overwhelming to me - the power of commitment and community. It is truly hard to believe and accept. Writing this seems otherworldly.
I wanted to leave that delivery room because I did not feel worthy and could not accept and believe the beauty of community.

What a shame if Parker had not returned to beauty and recorded "Bird with Strings." What a crime if I can not return to this ultimate beauty. It is scary and makes me tremble. It is true and makes me complete only if I do. Thank You Charis, Chris and Becca.