Radical Worldview Shift - "Oh, brother. Not again!"

Be thankful you only have to read this. Otherwise, in person you might by accidently spit on, have to ask me to speak softer (Ted need to so I would not offend his neighbors), and so at any time you can shut me off. My poor wife, bless her heart for dealing with me, and my poor roommates - did they know they would be living with a selfish, egotistical, crazed idealist? Sometimes I do not remember who I am dealing with myself - perhaps my truest problem: denial.
Spiraled into depression again. You ask how the hell can you when you live on beautiful land, have an amazing wife, awesome roommates, a nephew/niece on the way, close to family, and tomatoes, carrrots, beets, peppers, cucumbers, pumpkins and hops. Plus, I am playing in a big band and sit in a weekly jam session.
Perhaps the honeymoon is over and the reality of work and the conditions of work have taken over the better part of me?
In a truer and odder since too, I am discovering that the more you separate yourself from the American maching the more you see and feel its tight claws. I have only pushed up one-half of one and there are seven more talons squeezing tight.
First day at my new job, Menomonie Middle School 6th grade English, (25 miles away and talked to 6 teachers before I could find one to carpool with - one saying no being the Environmental Site Coordinator) the entire middle school staff sat and were talked to by Lt. Swartz of the Menomonie Swatt Team. In his camo pants, tight black shirt with glow in the dark POLICE on the back and his gun slung on his hip, he yelled "This is 2005 you can not trust anyone." "You are either a weak or a strong teacher. Do not be weak because the kids will target you." During the armed assault, "Will you know what to do when their is blood all over and kids are screaming." and do not forget "Stay out of the Fatal Funnel." So we are now prepared for another Chechen take over of our school or an armed assault. Before Lt. Swartz another officer scared us about the dangers of child molesters who use the internet to contact kids. On the next day when all district teachers were in training we were lectured for an hour and a half on the harms or methaphedamines - a new and terrible problem in our area.
What am I getting at? My new worldview - all the world is screwed. Everything about our society is establishing non-community. Everything good out there is putting band-aids on the non-community problem instead of trying to recreate community. My team of teachers, bless their hearts for being in the right place, were cuurently trained in responsive classrooms to create community in their classroom. A middle school with 45 minute periods, 8 times a day, where a teacher sees 130 students. A police department based on how to manage the crisis. Why not address the crisis before it happens. People feel lost, helpless and not part of community. Instead of trying to bust meth labs and recognize the signs of those who using meth, why not recognize the signs of those who are lost and without community and help them before they turn to meth? The children on the internet molester video/computer presentation talked about being alone and felt they could turn to no one, the teenager at Red Lake High School, the teenagers at Columbine were alone and bullied, drugs users are looking for something, someone. One hundred thirty students per 8 teachers. What is wrong with society? All that we (I am a huge contributor) are doing, even the very well intentioned teachers on my team, are band-aiding the problem.
What good does bitching do? I do not know, I am sorry. I should go see a counselor and will. Perhaps this is not the right venue to express my sadness? Perhaps it is? Our society is evil and when you start to separate away it stings back. It is like your face was smashed into the mud. That is bad, but then when you look up and see who did it, it can be even worse than just breathing in mud.
Writing this I am encouraged. Am I need of counseling? Yes. Past that big bully pushing me back in the mud, I see green hills and a red barn, I hear my wife's strong voice and my roommates, I taste fresh salsa and pesto pizza and keep breathing and thus keep dreaming of separation from society and connection with relationship. What can be done to not simply put on band-aids? It has actually made me start thinking seriously about Jesus again. I struggle with this, because the Jesus I know is covered in a parka, scarf, mittens, long-johns, jeans, sweaters and make-up of our society. The society which creates the problem.
Thankfully my wife does not let me wallow in the filth and makes me talk. Thankfully my friend Nick called and said you just have to live life. I will keep up on the projects, eat my food, ride my bike to the carpool, and address all 130 students by name everyday. I will lift my head and love my wife better too.

Jay